Another day another one wasted

 I constantly count the stars on my ceiling when I wake but I can’t move out of my bed I’m restless

My mind taunting me, yelling at me, for each mistake ive made new and old. And i let it.

Happiness and I have never been friends, 

even though I wear that mask until the bitter end because I know depression and those I love shouldn’t have to deal with it like I do.

My stomach growls and I know I got food waiting for me, but to get up, even when my bodies dying I cant do it.

So I yell at myself, constantly.

Telling Toby to stop talking nonsense and start talking truths, to travel to a new destination that I told myself I couldn’t reach in my dreams.

It doesn’t matter to me anymore 

if that place is the mountain top or the door 

I just need to find a place thats not my thoughts to explore.

I’m in need of anything and I want friends who I can be with eternally but anxiety knows my weaknesses better than me.

I reach for the door, i try to escape.

But I hear my thoughts telling me no one loves me and to stay in this place.

I listen, I can’t help but listen.

I am crashing harder than ever and I wanna get up. 

I fall back into my black colored haven, as tears fill my eyes

“Get up Toby.” Is the last thing I hear until I blank into nothingness and let the black color not just fill my sheets but my mind.